Almost daily, I have a client discuss how their daily life is overwhelming. Even if you’re able to get some things done, you still have to manage your honey-do list and the kids’ activities. Instead of continuing to feel anxious, rushed, or flustered, here are three tips to change the pattern.
To start, separate your calendar into two groups: what is in and out of your control. What is your schedule is set and not in your control? This might include your work schedule, your kids’ school day or practice times, etc. Other things are in your control such as: when you go to the gym, when you want to meet up with friends, date night, spiritual meetings (which often have many options), etc. While these are important tasks, they are also flexible and can be moved around. We can’t save time when it is out of your control, because it is set. Instead, let’s focus on what you do have control over and your mindset during these activities.
Saving time in your marriage comes down to three main points:
- Circumvent Conflicts
- Frantic Triage
- Give Gratitude
Circumvent Conflict
If your arguments take hours (or sometimes days) to repair, then this is a significant reason why you are behind. Arguments do not only take time at the moment but can drag on when you are feeling upset about it afterward. The energy you put into the disagreement takes away from the energy you could use for more productive, healthy areas in your life.
Now to be clear, this does not mean ignoring all your problems. At the same time, I’d like you to think about those “little irritants” – do you need to bring it up now? If not, perhaps think about implementing a self-care practice instead. The little things can sometimes wait. If it needs to be talked about, then present your concern in a way that is approachable for your partner. If you do not know how to discuss your concerns in a solutions-focused way, try this:
I feel _______, about _________, and I need ________.
Bonus: Be mindful of communicating criticism! “I feel furious about the bills not being paid. I need bills to be paid on time and for us to create a budget” instead of “I feel pissed that you forgot to pay the bills. I need you to be better about your finances.”
Key Takeaway: If you need to talk about your stress, then do so in a way that is effective, healthy, and gets you both moving in the right direction. Otherwise, you’ll be in a disagreement far longer than necessary.
The Frantic Triage
Many of my clients run their lives in a triage. They focus on what is most important and time-sensitive. If you have a triage at work, you know the risk of minimizing longer-term, time-consuming tasks such as re-organizing a filing cabinet. Organizing the messy filing cabinet isn’t going to increase sales today, so it can wait. In reality, the messy filing cabinet may impact your employee’s ability to provide efficient customer service or may impact your company culture.
The same is true for your family life. Do you run your family in a triage? If so, it likely feels frantic – running from one critical task to the next! Instead, I’d like you to think about the things that do take time. This might be family vacations, calling your Grandparents who now live in Florida, or putting that time into you with going to the gym or having a date night.
Leave the triage to the emergency room. If you run on a triage, then you are always moving from one priority to the next which leaves many families feeling frantic.
Key Takeaway: Think about quality time instead of prioritizing your time.
Give Gratitude
What is all of this rushing for? If you’re running from work to your kids’ soccer game, why is this valuable? I’d like to add little moments of gratitude to give meaning to your busy schedule.
If you can explore the “why” behind your busy schedule, then you can find yourself and your values within the stress. If the business feels out of control, then what is it all for? If your kids are screaming, then what is it all for? Somewhere in the rush, there is a pure, loving reason for it.
Example:
You have back-to-back meetings and you are mad that your management team hasn’t decreased your workload. Some statements of gratitude might include:
- Your team is comfortable discussing the challenges their facing instead of keeping them a secret.
- Your business is thriving to the point where you are busy all day.
- Your business provides an income to you and your team.
- The product or service you provide is helping your customers.
- Your office has new photos of your family from a recent vacation.
- Take in the beautiful, deep green color of your office plant in the corner.
- The delicious warmth of your morning coffee.
- Your admin was able to make all of these meetings work in one day.
Now you might be saying, “Emily, gratitude doesn’t save time at all – what a lame tip”. If this is you, then I challenge you to find the power gratitude can bring. If you haven’t read earlier posts, research shows us that happiness comes down to fulfillment. People will report feeling happy if they can see their work being tied to their mission. If you are feeling frantic and overwhelmed, then you may not be reflecting on your “why”. Gratitude can be a great way to combine your values with your work!
Key Takeaway: Even when you’re busy, gratitude can bring you comfort and even some drive to get through the tasks ahead.
If you’d like to hear me talk about this more, check out this quick tip video:
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Explore Further on My Blog
For additional strategies and insights on saving time in your marriage, don’t forget to check out my blogs. You’ll find articles centered on creating balance, enhancing communication, and fostering a stronger bond in your relationship. Each interaction is a chance to deepen your connection, and I am here to guide and support you in these efforts. Let’s embrace the journey of building a more harmonious and time-efficient partnership!