When couples think of reconnection, they often think about dating that allows them to “escape” from their daily stresses. In reality, the likelihood of going on these dates regularly is less probable than you would prefer. You could wait on your reconnection, or you can choose to focus your energy on something you can do today. Learn how to love again.
While I am about to go into some ideas on how to promote the little things, I first want to discuss a point I think is often missed. Yes, we need to give our partner these gifts, but we also need to be open on the other side – open to receive these gifts. The more we can acknowledge our partner’s efforts, the more we can grow to see all the small gifts. For example, if your partner reaches to hold your hand, acknowledge that gift in your thoughts. If your partner is the one to always cook dinner, acknowledge that gift in your thoughts. If your partner compliments you, acknowledge that gift in your thoughts.
And yes, I do mean in your thoughts. Of course, you can verbally express your appreciation to your partner – and you should; however, also take the time to give that to yourself. That gift was meant for you, so take the moment and allow yourself to feel that love. Truly accept this gift they have given you. Make it a goal to see all the little things your partner gives you throughout the day. This may be physical, verbal, acts of service, an actual gift, or time together.
So now that we know to be open to gifts, how about some ideas on what to give?
Discovering the 5 Love Languages
There are 5 main categories we can use to show love to our partner – these are called love languages. These include (1) physical touch, (2) words of affirmation, (3) acts of service, (4) gift giving, and (5) quality time. There is a page dedicated to detailed information on love languages here. It is recommended to read both pages for a full and well-rounded view of acknowledging the little things.
Some little things we can do may include:
Physical touch:
- A goodbye kiss in the morning before work
- Holding hands while watching TV
- Using a heat pack or an ice cube
- Putting your arm around them
- Giving an evening massage
- Running your hands through their hair
- Snuggling or spooning before going to sleep
Words of affirmation:
- Saying “I love you” throughout the day
- “You did a difficult job well”
- Sending them a card that helps bring words to your feelings/thoughts
- “You are handsome/beautiful”
- “Thank you”
- Complimenting your favorite traits about them
- “You are strong”
- “I believe in you”
- “It must be really hard that you ________”
- “It makes me happy when you _________”
- “I could see how you could feel that way because ________”
- “You worked hard on that project today”
- Sending a text during the workday
Acts of service:
- Cooking breakfast, lunch, or dinner
- Going grocery shopping
- Taking the kids to school, to the park, etc.
- Doing chores to give your partner downtime
- Fixing something in the house
- Reorganizing the garage
- Walking the dog
- Taking care of something on the honey-do list
Gift giving:
- Sending flowers
- Putting a note in their lunch
- Giving them a card – even outside of holidays
- Buying your partner a new shirt
- Treating them to their favorite self-care activity (maybe getting their nails done, going out to eat, trying a new adventure, etc.)
- Getting a new bottle of wine to try together
- Bringing home/making their favorite food
Quality time:
- Preparing a dinner date at home
- Planning a new adventure activity together – making hiking a new trail or visiting a place you haven’t been together
- A movie night at home
- Turning off your phone at a certain time in the evening
- Getting a babysitter regularly
- Talking about your day together
- Work on chores – together. Go grocery shopping, clean the same room in the house, fold laundry, etc. – together.
- Discuss current events
- Go on an evening walk
- Try out THEIR hobby
Above all, be open to trying new ideas for reconnection and be open to receiving them from your partner. This may not be successful right away, but just like anything – practice makes perfect!
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