Love languages are the acts we perform to communicate our love to our partner. If your partner has a different love language than you do, then it may cause conflict within the relationship. We can help reduce this conflict by implementing the 5 love languages that your partner is speaking, and, in turn, your partner speaking to your love language. We tend to think that if I am speaking affectionately, isn’t it all the same? I think examples always help, let’s break it down.
We’ll call them Alex and Morgan. Alex and Morgan have 3 children and often discuss not having the romance in their relationship anymore. Morgan works a desk job at an accounting firm and Alex works long hours as a nurse. Alex would often complain that Morgan would send too many texts during the workday instead of focusing on what actually needed to be done. Morgan was upset that Alex wouldn’t take the time during the day to reflect on their relationship to let each other know they care and love one another. This is a bright light to me as a therapist – they are speaking to one another using different love languages! So what are the love languages?
There are 5 main love languages:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Gift giving
How Love Languages Differ: Alex and Morgan’s Story
Alex’s love language: acts of service
Morgan’s love language: words of affirmation
So now that you know you have different love languages, you know how to communicate with one another. Morgan wants to communicate love to Alex, so talk to Alex’s love language. Maybe Morgan can cook dinner before Alex gets home, or put on a load of laundry, etc. Maybe Alex can send a text to Morgan throughout the day, send a weekly letter, or tell Morgan about their strongest/most admirable traits, etc.
In addition to speaking to your partner’s love language, we can remind ourselves of our partner’s love language. Let’s say Morgan sends a text to Alex during the work day: instead of instantly going into that frustration mode, Alex can work on acknowledging that Morgan is trying to communicate love. Yes, it still might be a frustration for Alex; however, in time I would bet it would be less frustrating. Or maybe Alex can ask Morgan to only text during specific periods – it’s a solution that can be tailored for your specific relationship with your love languages.
If you want specific examples for each love language, check out our other at-home tools page: https://toolsforus.com/at-home-tools/f/the-little-things
Want to know your love language? Check out this link for a free quiz. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
More of a reader? The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is available on many online platforms including:
- Kindle: Love Language Secrets Ebook
- Amazon Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
- Barnes and Noble: (At the time of this post, they have used copies for $1.99!) https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/the-five-love-languages-chapman-gary/1112878508/2661922069841?st=PLA&sid=BNB_ADL+Marketplace+Generic+Used+Books+-+Desktop+Medium&sourceId=PLAGoNA&dpid=tdtve346c&2sid=Google_c&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInvS1mNmm5AIVDNVkCh3ePQbWEAYYAyABEgLwk_D_BwE
It is normal for couples to be discouraged and irritated that they do not feel connected to their partner. If you do not feel connected to your partner, they may have a different love language than you. See what each of you find out when you discover your love languages – together.
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