Typically in therapy, the techniques discussed may take time for them to be fully implemented. You know the behaviors you are working to change and yet those behaviors still happen! This is what I call the couples therapy curve ball. You know the new techniques and the old behaviors are still there. How can you best navigate these changes with your partner?
Tip #1: Your Honesty
You know the tools and you know you just did an old habit. It can be tough acknowledging the error you just committed because you know how that is impacting your relationship. It happened almost entirely out of habit! I understand – what if we made that okay to tell your partner?
Instead of focusing on the old behavior you just made, you can still help your partner feel heard, acknowledged, supported, or accepted by being honest about that old behavior. Say something like, “Honey, I know I just did an old behavior and that I am supposed to be doing this new technique.
I’m sorry I went back to my old behaviors – I am working on it”. Of course, this is a generic statement, so make this as authentic as possible. Let them know you saw the error and ideally, they will come back with a supportive, non-accusatory response.
- If they don’t, ask them to read this blog post.
- If that is you reading this now: remember, the goal is to reconnect. They are trying to make it better! Give them some time to learn these new behaviors and to figure it out! These old behaviors have been there for a while so it may take some time to see changes. (P.S. The same goes for you, too!)
Tip #2: Your Partner’s Reminders
What if we set up a soft way for your partner to remind you of the tools – the key here: is soft. If one partner starts the conversation too aggressively, then it may make the other partner turn away from the conversation. Set up some guidelines before the curveball arrives. Perhaps they can say something like, “Babe, don’t forget we are working on _______.
I know you’ve got this!” This way, they acknowledge the behavior changes needing to be made, but they are also understanding of the little slip-ups. If they say this same comment with sarcasm or harshness, then it will not work. Try to have some fun here, use humor, speaker at a lower volume, and with a smile. This way of communicating will make it easier for your partner to hear the reminder and be inspired to get it right!
- If it feels challenging to say the reminder in a positive light, then do not say it in the moment. Let the frustration decrease and then give a reminder when you can do so.
- If you want to remind your partner of the new technique and they are fired up, then wait until they are in a place to hear the reminder. This time frame should be at least a 20-minute break.
Tip #3: Set Yourself Up For Success
I recommend talking about these reminders or honest conversations before the curveball. Set up time during a session (or following a session with a new technique) to discuss what seems manageable and helpful as a reminder.
- If you are a client, then this will likely come up in one of our sessions. If this conversation has not been addressed yet and you would like to do so, then let me know! I got you.
- If you are not a client and are still in therapy, this can be a conversation you have with your therapist.
- If you are not in therapy, then find time when things are not stressful to have this conversation with your partner. Set up some ground rules on how to best deliver reminders to one another.
Just remember, a curve ball is normal! These negative behaviors have been a part of your relationship for a while and it will take some time for you both to adapt. The key is to acknowledge the curve ball so it doesn’t become a strain on your relationship.
Set up time to discuss the ground rules, what you might say when you strike out, and what to say to your partner if they miss that curve ball. (Go with my word choice here – I know it’s bad!) The goal of conflict is to be heard and acknowledged. Let that reconnection piece be your inspiration for this technique.
Join me on an enlightening journey through my blog, “The Couples Therapy Curve Ball,” where I explore the complexities and challenges of navigating couples therapy.
Are you intrigued by the idea of transforming your relationship dynamics and overcoming habitual hurdles with your partner? Stay tuned as I share insightful tips and strategies for effectively managing the curve balls that therapy can throw your way.
Whether you’re entrenched in the depths of long-term companionship or just beginning to lay the foundations of a new partnership, my blog is here to guide you. Follow me on social media for daily advice, compelling stories, and innovative approaches that aim to refine your relationship skills. Become part of an engaged community dedicated to discovering the most effective techniques for enhancing connection and joy in relationships.
- Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ToolsForUs/
- Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecouplesworkshop/
- Connect with me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/toolsforus/
- Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@toolsforus
Your engagement is incredibly valuable to me, and I am excited to have you alongside me on this fascinating journey across different platforms. Together, let’s unlock the secrets to successful couples therapy that not only brings us closer to our significant others but also enriches our lives with understanding and affection.
I Value Your Feedback
Did my blog “The Couples Therapy Curve Ball” open up new perspectives for you on how to navigate the challenges of therapy with your partner? I am keen to hear about your experiences, successes, and your thoughts on the techniques discussed. Your feedback is crucial in shaping content that aligns with your needs and experiences in relationship growth. Please share your insights and suggestions below – your input is a vital part of our ongoing conversation in this vibrant community!
Explore More on My Blog
Interested in more topics like “The Couples Therapy Curve Ball,” relationship resilience, and emotional intelligence? Visit my blogs for a treasure trove of resources and inspiration. Dive into content thoughtfully designed to help you build a resilient, loving, and rewarding connection, enhancing your well-being and relationship dynamics at every step!